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Friday, December 14, 2018

Crippled At Christmas Cartoons 2018


Happy holidays from the annual poorly drawn crew of crippled Christmas cronies! You have permission to laugh with them and at them. I won't tell. 
[An image description is below each cartoon]

To attract disabled customers, the famed leg lamp now came with an add on leg brace for $6000 extra. 
Image: A large box reads, “Fragile. ‘Now with overpriced leg brace!’” An ambulatory stick figure and a wheelchair using stick figure are nearby. The wheelie’s speech bubble says, “Fra-gee-lay. Must be that fancy Italian leg brace.” 


Another year and the Polar Express had only one accessible stop…
Image: A train marked Polar Express passes by a stick figure in a wheelchair who says “I am so not feeling the magic.”


The SSA began monitoring the mistletoe, eager to slash the benefits of any SSI beneficiaries who acted too married… 
Image: Two wheelie stick figures face one another beneath a mistletoe plant. A sign above the mistletoe says, “We see you when you’re sleeping.” One figure says “Something seems creepy about this mistletoe.” The other replies “I can practically hear my check being reduced if we kiss.”
SSA= Social Security Administration SSI= Supplemental Security Income


The “cost of living” adjustment at Social Security allowed the SSI recipients to buy exactly one more pig in a blanket for the New Year’s Party…
Image: Three stick figure wheelies wear party hats, looking on at an extra hot dog. The extra hot dog has a caption above it reading “Generously funded by the SSA.” One figure says, “Yes, singular. Now who gets it?” Another replies, “I don’t know, dude! I mean, they said mustard counts as a resource!”

The artificial tree struggled to find belonging…
Image: An artificial Christmas tree is in the corner, as “real trees” hurl insults such as “You can’t sit with us!” and “Ew. Look at that loser from Home Depot!” The artificial tree says “Come on, girls! I was born like this! Artificial tree limbs are not as different as you think!” A nearby sign reads “This celebration welcomes trees with disabilities!” 

Despite the Enabling Elves Employment Campaign (!), the wheelie elves could not work because the accessible workstation went to the South Pole on a clerical error. 
Image: Santa says, “Sorry, boys; can I offer you a gum drop (limit 1 per elf) for your trouble?” Two stick figure wheelchair users are nearby, wearing elf hats. One exclaims, “Damn it. We ordered the table 6 months ago!” Meanwhile, a banner boasts “Santa’s Workshop-Celebrating Disability Employment!”



The marketing department was confused as to why CP Barbie wasn’t a Christmas toy craze…
Image: A flyer reads, “Order today! She complains about arthritis! Realistic popping in hip and knee joints! Wheelchair footplates break from high muscle tone…just like in real life!” A wheelchair user stick figure says, “Hmmm…really thought the sparkly pink Medicaid card replica would draw the kids!”

Disabled Santa really loathed the rise of straw shaming…
Image: A stick figure in a wheelchair wearing a Santa hat sits in front of a table with cookies and a glass of milk, no straw, and a nearby Christmas tree. He exclaims, “You try drinking 52568727438 glasses of milk without a straw! I dare you!” He continues, “Damn it, Rudolph. Already told you the metal ones stab me when I startle!” Rudolph, nearby, says indignantly, “But Santa, I read it in Unsolicited Straw Advice From Non-Disabled People! It’s a bestseller!”

After Virginia established that Santa was real, she had other questions…
Image: A letter reads, “Dear Santa, Is an on-time Access A Ride real?” Santa says, “Sh*t! I hate to break a kid’s heart!”

“The stockings were hung from the chimney with care, at a height friendly to St. Nick’s brand new chair.” 
Image: Pictured is a Christmas tree and a fireplace with stockings hanging. One handle on each side of the fireplace says, “pull to adjust.” Santa, drawn as a wheelie stick figure in a Santa hat, says “It’s about time they got height adjustable fireplaces! Finally, someone realizes I’m aging!”

In light of declining mobility, the partridge in the pear tree set his sights on the accessible housing lottery…
Image: The partridge sits on a branch in his pear tree. A stick figure below says “Well, sir. Feel free to apply. The wait list for accessible units is only 67543 years long. Just make sure you meet the income limits, and be mindful that the rent will be raised should you cohabitate with the pears.” The partridge replies, “Well, f*!*” 

The wheelie was very confused when her cleverly themed cookies were not appreciated at the office cookie exchange…
Image: A group of ambulatory, non-disabled stick figures stands by. One says, “OK, the chocolate chip baclofen pump cookie was a little over the top. Another says, “I felt similarly awkward about the shortbread crutches.” The wheelchair user stick figure, dejected, says, “I made them myself! Thought they’d be a hit.”